Navigating polyvagal theory for nervous system stability

Befriending your autonomic nervous system with the polyvagal ladder

As of March 2026, I’m adding an update to this post about the polyvagal ladder. In early 2026, 39 experts in the physiology and evolution of the vagus nerve, many of whose own work had been cited by the founder of Polyvagal Theory, Stephen Porges, as supporting the theory, co-authored a paper concluding that the theory is untenable. Porges has responded to challenge this, stating that critics are attacking a simplified or outdated version of PVT, not the theory as he has actually developed it, including updates published in 2023 and 2024.

The parts of the theory that hold up, including the role of the nervous system in trauma responses, are the basis of this post and I still believe that the polyvagal ladder is a really useful conceptual framework for understanding our responses as long as it is used as a map, not a literal blueprint.

I’ve reflected a few times that one of the missing puzzle pieces for me, when it comes to my healing journey, has been understanding and, for the most part, befriending my nervous system. The Polyvagal Ladder has been a key tool for me in exploring this. As someone who’s neurodivergent and who has also experienced trauma, my nervous system is often easily activated. Even with years of training, countless tools and an ongoing commitment to my own healing, I still notice how easily my system can become overwhelmed.

I’m work as a counsellor and therapist and I support people every day to build awareness of how their nervous systems shape their feelings, thoughts, and behaviours. The Polyvagal Ladder is a useful way of understanding what the science does support; that the nervous system plays a role in our responses and ways of being in the world.

What do we mean by nervous system dysregulation?

Our brains and bodies are constantly making predictions about what’s happening and what might happen next. If you’ve experienced trauma, chronic stress or relational instability, if you have sensory sensitivities or chronic illness, or even if there has been significant stress or trauma in your family history, your system may have learned to scan carefully for threats. This isn’t dysfunction, it’s an adaptation.

There are other factors that can impact this including early attachment experiences, unpredictable caregiving, exposure to discrimination or marginalisation, neurodevelopmental differences, repeated medical procedures, prolonged uncertainty and being in environments where vigilance was necessary for safety.

Over time, the brain and nervous system adapt accordingly. The amygdala, the part of the brain that’s involved in threat detection, and the salience network which helps us notice what feels important or potentially dangerous in our internal and external environment, can become more finely tuned to cues of danger. Unfortunately, this protective response can’t always distinguish between immediate danger and situations that might feel threatening based on past experiences.

For some of us, an email from our boss can land in the body in a similar way to moments of conflict when we’ve felt unsafe or powerless. For those of us who are neurodivergent, this same protective response might be activated by something entirely different; a repetitive noise outside, lights that are too bright or other forms of sensory overload.

Even though there’s no actual danger, the nervous system responds as if there is: our heart rate increases, stress hormones are released, muscles tense, breathing changes and our thoughts start predicting negative outcomes. At the same time, activity in the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain involved in reasoning, impulse control, and perspective-taking, can temporarily decrease, making it more likely that we respond from protective survival patterns.

Regulation is not a single state

Polyvagal Theory describes nervous system regulation as if there are distinct clear-cut states: rest and digest; fight or flight (sometimes viewed as two distinct states); and shutdown or freeze, which also includes the ‘fawn’ response. This can be a really helpful and clear framework for understanding what’s going on for us, especially when we’re activated and the prefrontal cortex, or the reasoning part of the brain, isn’t as active as it would usually be.

That said, the nervous system is fluid and more nuanced than neat categories suggest. We move along a spectrum throughout the day, sometimes holding elements of more than one state at once. The goal isn’t to eliminate certain responses, or to see any particular state as ‘good or bad’. The work, for many of us, is to build flexibility so that we have the capacity to hold our experiences and so that our system can return more easily to a place of safety, connection and choice.

I talk about different nervous system states below but it’s worth remembering that the systems involved in activation (often linked to stress and energy) and settling (linked to rest and recovery) can both be active at the same time. You might feel socially engaged but anxious underneath or you might feel exhausted and flat, but also internally restless, so if your experience of your own system doesn’t neatly align with the nervous system states as they’re described, this is perfectly normal.

The polyvagal ladder

Remembering that this is useful as a metaphor, and that everyone’s system responses are unique to them. the Polyvagal Ladder, or the Autonomic Ladder, is a concept introduced by Deb Dana, building on Dr. Stephen Porges’s work. A Polyvagal perspective helps us to understand that our nervous system is constantly scanning our environment, asking one fundamental question: “Am I safe?”

In this understanding, our system shifts into different states based on its perception of safety. Perception is an important word here because the nervous system and brain can’t always tell the difference between real and perceived danger. Our nervous system states and our perception of them shape everything; our emotions, how we relate to others, whether we can concentrate and even how our bodies digest food or fight off illness. This is why understanding our nervous system isn’t just an abstract idea, it directly impacts our mental health, physical wellbeing and capacity to thrive.

The metaphor of a ladder is a way of visualising these states. Think of it as having three main rungs:

When energy is high (mobilisation/fight/flight)

You might notice racing thoughts, muscle tension, restlessness, urgency or irritability, hyperfocus or scattered attention.

This mobilisation response evolved to help you act.

Helpful responses vary by nervous system and neurotype but could include rhythmic movement (walking, dancing, pacing), pushing or resistance exercises, naming your experience or cognitive defusion (which engages the pre-frontal cortext), breath practices that gently lengthen the exhale). You might also want to check out my somatic nervous system menu for more options.

When energy drops (shutdown/freeze/fawn)

You might notice numbness, heaviness, brain fog, dissociation or loss of motivation. Shutdown is protective.

This response often emerges when the system perceives something as too overwhelming to fight or escape. Rather than forcing ourselves out of this space, gentle re-engagement is often safer. This could include pressure (weighted blanket, compression, firm self-hug), naming neutral objects in the room, temperature shifts (holding something cool or warm), small repetitive movements.You might also want to check out my somatic nervous system menu for more options.

When you feel settled (rest and digest/socially engaged)

Regulation is not the absence of activation. It’s flexibility. When things are feeling settled, you might notice your breath moving more freely, access to humour or curiosity, capacity to pause or having the ability to connect or disengage by choice. Instead of trying to “stay regulated,” it can be helpful to strengthen our awareness and resourcing around this pattern.

What environments support it? What people? What rhythms or routines? Noticing this can build predictive safety in the brain.

Each of these states is an intelligent survival response. None of them are “bad”, they’re all ways our body tries to keep us safe. The challenge comes when we get stuck in one state for too long or when our system can’t easily climb back up the ladder toward connection.

Regulation is relational and contextual

Humans regulate in connection. Our attachment systems, oxytocin release, mirror neuron processes and social engagement networks all shape our nervous system states. Co-regulation isn’t weakness, it’s biology. If you feel more settled in the presence of someone you trust, that’s your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do.

For some, co-regulation might happen with a therapist or close friend. For others, it might be found in parallel play, body doubling, online communities, familiar voices or even fictional characters.

All the ways we resource ourselves matter. Healing isn’t about permanently widening your “window” so you never dysregulate again. It’s about recovering more gently and more quickly, recognising your signals earlier, expanding your response options, and reducing the shame that can follow dysregulation.

Your baseline will fluctuate, that’s normal. Nervous system responses are shaped by sleep, hormonal rhythms, inflammation and illness, sensory load, social safety, financial and structural stress, masking demands and environmental predictability. It’s true that you can’t regulate yourself into thriving within environments that consistently overwhelm your system or violate your boundaries. What you can do is tend to your nervous system outside those environments, strengthen your capacity where possible, and support your system to respond with greater flexibility and care where there is choice available.

Why befriending your nervous system matters

Befriending your nervous system doesn’t mean controlling it or forcing yourself to always be in a settled state. Instead, it means cultivating a compassionate awareness of where you are on at any given time. It’s about learning to recognise your cues, respecting your body’s needs, and building small practices that help you return to balance when possible. Everyone’s nervous system has a baseline level of reactivity. Our nervous systems become more reactive because of trauma, anxiety, illness and other factors but we can also work on them to make them less reactive overall.

There can be a temptation to respond to the nervous system only when it’s activated, but you can look after your nervous system in a preventative way too. A great way of doing this is by being proactive about building your capacity through resources that signal safety.

Additional resources to explore this

If you’d like to explore some more resources that feed into the polyvagal understanding of what might be going on for you, I’d suggest the following posts:

Exploring somatic approaches to therapy: this post includes a somatic exercise that you can try, which can impact your nervous system state

The valence arousal model for exploring feelings and emotions. This is a simplified way of checking in with your current state.

What I Mean When I Talk About Nervous System Regulation - my response to the growing conversation that says, “We shouldn’t need to regulate our nervous systems, they’re reacting exactly as they should to oppression, trauma, and the state of the world.”

Practice makes progress

Befriending your nervous system through the Polyvagal Ladder involves recognising and working with its different states. You’ll see the most benefits and shifts from this if you are intentional about practicing your responses, so that you integrate them into your daily life. I’d suggest you start by setting aside a few minutes each day to check in with your nervous system and respond to its state.

I offer one off, 121 sessions where we can explore your nervous system and giving you a bunch of tools that you can use to support yourself. Contact me here. You may also wish to check out my counselling services if you’re interested in longer term work.