What I Mean When I Talk About Nervous System Regulation

Nervous system regulation is a buzzword but here’s why it still matters

“Regulation” has become a bit of a buzzword, hasn’t it? I talk about it often in my therapy practice, in my nature-based spiritual work, and in almost every conversation about healing. That’s because the nervous system is the foundation of everything. It shapes how we experience the world, how we connect with others and how we recover from what hurts us.

If you’re new here I’m Laura, a counsellor, nature therapist and a somatic trauma therapist. My offerings are all about supporting you to connect with yourself and the world around you.

I really believe that anyone can benefit from finding ways to support a more stable, flexible, and regulated nervous system and that almost everyone can benefit from learning ways to support a more stable, regulated nervous system. But there’s a conversation emerging that says, “We shouldn’t need to regulate our nervous systems, they’re reacting exactly as they should to oppression, trauma, and the state of the world.”

And I partly agree. Our nervous systems are responding as they should. The problem is that they’re ancient systems doing their best to keep us safe in a world that didn’t exist when they evolved. My approach to nervous system and emotional regulation isn’t about making feelings disappear; it’s about creating enough steadiness to hold them. It’s about building our capacity to feel without drowning, and meeting our experiences with greater compassion.

In this post I share some perspectives on why nervous system regulation is important and some the factors that impact how easily we can return to a more regulated space.

An ancient system in a modern world

The amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for detecting threat and processing emotion, evolved tens of millions of years ago and it hasn’t changed much since. Our ancestors faced localised, immediate threats; a predator nearby, a change in weather, scarcity of food. We’re still wired for survival in small communities and cyclical rhythms, yet we’re living in a world that demands constant output and instant response.

We face constant global input: conflict, trauma, suffering and oppression, all streamed into our hands in real time. And when you add personal trauma, neurodivergence, or marginalisation to that mix, it’s a lot for any system to hold. The body hasn’t evolved for this pace, this noise, or this level of vigilance and our brains can’t tell the difference between a real threat and a perceived one. So even if you’re safe in your living room, your nervous system might still be reacting as though the danger is right beside you.

Most of my therapy clients are exploring their autistic or ADHD experience, identity-based trauma, or both. For those of us with sensitive or differently wired nervous systems, the world can feel like a lot.

If you’re autistic and get overwhelmed by sensory input, regulation can help.
If you’re ADHD and swing between over- and under-stimulation, regulation can help.
If you’ve lived through trauma and your body can’t always tell the difference between then and now, regulation can help.
Even when your reaction makes perfect sense, regulation work helps you build the capacity to stay with it.

When I talk about nervous system or emotional regulation, I don’t mean bypassing feelings or making them disappear. I mean increasing your nervous system’s capacity to hold those feelings safely. Joan Didion wrote: “I’m not telling you to make the world better... I’m just telling you to live in it… not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it.”

That’s what regulation work is about; not fixing yourself but creating enough internal steadiness to live in the world, as fully present as possible, without being swept away.

The Physiology of Regulation

What does nervous system regulation mean? It’s the practice of helping your body and mind return to a sense of safety and balance after stress. It involves noticing when you’re activated or shut down and using tools like breathing, grounding, movement or sensory support, to calm and stabilise your system. Over time, this work helps your nervous system become more flexible, so you can handle life’s challenges with greater ease and resilience.

Think of your nervous system like a part of your body that’s been injured. If you’ve ever sprained an ankle, you’ll know it can be more sensitive afterward. We can address this physical issue by exercising or accessing physiotherapy, to help rebuild strength and resilience, reducing the risk of re-injury.

Your nervous system works the same way. Trauma, chronic stress, burnout, the accumulative impact of microagressions or macroagressions, or the daily strain of navigating a world that doesn’t accommodate your neurotype can make your system more reactive. Regulation work is like physiotherapy for your nervous system. It can strengthen it and expand its capacity, so you’re not constantly swinging between fight, flight, or shutdown. You don’t have to regulate away emotions that make sense. But you can use somatic and nervous system practices to connect with them more safely, to make holding your own experience a little easier.

A simple way to understand this is through polyvagal theory, which describes how to practices nervous system regulation. It’s based on the understanding that our nervous system moves between states of safety, mobilisation and shutdown. This post on polyvagal theory, from my blog, Polyvagal theory gives us a map to understand our different nervous system states and offers strategies to respond to them. You’ll find a list of resources for you to explore at the end of this post.

Finding Pockets of Safety

Some people say regulation doesn’t work when you’re in survival mode. Again, I partly agree.

Regulation won’t erase what you’re surviving and it isn’t a fix for the places where we actually need structural change. It won’t end oppression or reverse climate collapse. What it can do is expand our capacity, not to simply tolerate more of what the world throws at us, but to build the stamina to stand for what we believe in. It helps us find moments of grounding and calm even when life feels unbearable, and it allows us to respond to the world from presence rather than from the echoes of our past hurts.

If you practice regulation proactively, rather than only in response to stress, you can help your nervous system lower its baseline reactivity.

Everyone has a natural baseline; a default level of alertness or sensitivity. For those with trauma or neurodivergence, that baseline tends to be higher, which means your system reacts faster and more strongly to stressors. When you intentionally practice regulation while calm, you help your system learn that it’s safe to relax. Over time, this reduces reactivity and builds resilience. Again, check out the resources I’ve shared at the end of this post to explore this.

Regulation can also be a lifeline in the middle of the hard stuff, especially when past trauma shows up in the present. When your body’s alarm system can’t tell the difference between then and now, grounding and self-soothing can support you. Not to dismiss what’s happening, but to create enough space to stay present with it. When we identify the root causes of dysregulation and learn to soothe and stabilise, we expand our capacity to meet life, even when it’s messy, unjust or painful.

Living With More Capacity

I don’t offer regulation as a way to make feelings or experiences go away. I offer it as a way to hold them; to build our capacity to feel and experience without collapsing. We can’t and shouldn’t regulate away feelings that make sense. But through somatic and nervous system work, we can connect with them more safely, to make holding our experiences a little easier, supporting ourselves to stay present, process, and heal.

So take a breath.
Feel your feet.
Notice your body.
This is where regulation begins.

The links below include various approaches, tools and resources to support you to support your nervous system.

Sacred Somatic Journeys - audio-guided journeys inviting you to be in your body, attune to nature, and explore archetypes and mythology

Navigating polyvagal theory for nervous system stability

Valence arousal model: connecting with your internal state - a more simplified approach that many of my neurodivergent clients find really helpful

The body remembers: exploring somatic therapy approaches

Trauma therapy essentials: safety and stabilisation

I also offer one off, 121 sessions where we can explore your nervous system and tools that you can use to support yourself. Contact me here.
You may also wish to check out my counselling services if you’re interested in longer term work.