The 3 rs as a tool for exploring mental health struggles

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The 3 rs: recognise, regulate and reframe. A tool to support your mental health

The 3 Rs is a framework I explore with many of my counselling and therapy clients. It’s also a tool I use a lot to explore my experience. In many therapy styles recognising our patterns or the unhelpful thoughts that show up, then challenging or changing them, is an important tool. This process centres the idea that thoughts aren’t always facts.

There is a lot of truth in this but many of the things we struggle with when it comes to our mental health, like trauma, anxiety and depression, show up in the nervous system as well as the thinking brain. The amygdala, the part of the brain that processes fear and emotional memories, is in charge. Because of this, it can be helpful and supportive not only recognise what's happening mentally but also to take some space to regulate the nervous system before trying to reframe our thoughts. 

As well as recognising what's happening mentally, it can be supportive to regulate the nervous system before trying to reframe our thoughts

When we're dysregulated, our capacity to think clearly, reflect, or engage with new perspectives is impacted. We default to patterns, behaviours and stories that already exist. As I mention on my home page, I came to work as a therapist, counsellor and wellbeing facilitator having extensively explored my own struggles and I’ve reflected a lot that, for me, understanding my nervous system was a huge piece of the puzzle. If, like me and a significant number of my clients, you’re Autistic and ADHD with an already sensitive nervous system this can be especially true. If we can find a tiny bit of safety in our bodies we can begin to challenge and shift our thoughts, patterns and the stories we tell ourselves that are no longer supportive. 

So what does the process of recognising, regulating and reframing look like?

What the ‘recognising’ part of the process can look like

The first step is to slow down and become curious about what’s happening internally. What patterns are showing up in your thoughts, feelings, or behaviours? Are there familiar themes, such as self-blame, fear of rejection, or shame? Ask yourself: How might past experiences be influencing how I’m seeing or reacting to this situation? Our brains are meaning-making machines and sometimes they replay old stories that don’t reflect our current reality or situation. Noticing these patterns without judgment can create a space for change and help to bring unconscious beliefs into conscious awareness.

Even just naming these processes can start to bring a little bit more regulation, as identifying our experiences can switch the logical part of the brain back on. This post about thought defusion goes into this naming process in more detail. 

What the ‘regulation’ part of the process can look like

When we feel overwhelmed, anxious or shut down it’s often a sign that our nervous system is dysregulated. In these moments, the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking (the prefrontal cortex) takes a backseat, and the amygdala, which processes fear and threat, steps in. Before trying to "think differently," it’s important to soothe ourselves and try to connect with a space where we feel a little safer.

Regulation allows the cognitive part of the brain to come back online, making space for clearer thinking and emotional resilience. That might involve grounding exercises, deep breathing, movement, somatic tools and, as mentioned above, pausing to name what you're feeling. 

This post explores the different nervous system states, what they might look like and how you could respond to them to soothe and support yourself.

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What the ‘reframe’ part of the process can look like

Once you're more regulated, you can begin to gently question your automatic thoughts or assumptions. Reframing can support more flexible thinking, which can reduce emotional intensity and create space for connection, and self-compassion. Ask yourself: What else could be true? What evidence do I have that challenges my initial interpretation? 

A classic example of this from the CBT framework is seeing a friend on the street who appears to ignore you. Your first, automatic thought might be, "They must be mad at me," or "I must have done something wrong." When you pause and reframe the situation from a more regulated place you might consider other possibilities. Maybe they simply didn’t see you or perhaps they were having a rough day and felt overwhelmed when they saw someone they knew. There is nuance to this so it’s important to say that this isn’t about toxic positivity or bypassing our experiences. When our systems become dysregulated in response to actual threats, sometimes the reframe stage is about finding some acceptance around our response rather than changing the narrative. 

I’ll use the trauma of racism as an example here. Maybe you experience a micro (or macro…) aggression out in the world that dysregulates your nervous system. That’s a very real situation and your nervous system has responded in the way it’s designed to.

In this kind of situation, reframing doesn’t mean denying the reality of that experience. Instead, your reframe might involve examining your thoughts about yourself. Maybe you experience shame as a response or other negative thoughts about what the experience means about you. Can you reframe the stories you tell yourself about your worth as a result of the experience? Can you acknowledge and allow the feelings that arise as a result of your experience and let them be ok?

Sometimes, though, our nervous systems respond to danger where there is none. The brain can’t tell the difference between real and perceived danger and this is why those of us with traumatised nervous systems may experience trauma resurfacing or emotional flash backs for reasons we can’t pinpoint or explain. This can be true for neurodivergent people too. I like to joke that I’m amazing in a crisis but a repetitive loud noise or flickering light bulb can send my nervous system into overdrive. The reframe here might, again, involve allowing the feelings that arise as a result of your experience and letting them be ok. We might also gently reframe thought around our safety by telling ourselves that we’re ok here, in this space, in the present moment.

Using the 3 Rs as a tool in your day to day life

When we intentionally recognise, regulate and reframe by becoming aware of our internal patterns and tending to our nervous systems, we can explore our challenges in the here and now rather than being driven by old patterns and narratives. Honouring the connection between our mind and body, rather than trying to force the mind to think differently, can create the safety that allows shifts to happen.

If you’d like to explore your your experiences more deeply, I offer 121 trauma informed counselling, therapy and somatics including single session therapy that focuses on the nervous system and tools for self connection and regulation. You can contact me here if that feels aligned.

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